Little Secret
by Maddie's very cool stories.that are cool
Summary: CO, casey slowly finds herself falling for Olivia and finds such thoughts both troubling and confusing, will Olivia ever feel the same way or are Casey's feelings destined to forever stay a little secret? R
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: Okay this is my first attempt at a CO so go easy on me, but please do review if enough people show interest in this story I'll probably update. I hope you like it but feel free to tell me any ways I could improve!

Disclaimer: I don't own law and order SVU or any of its characters I am just borrowing them for none profit purposes.

Cold air suddenly hit her face; Casey grimaced slightly as she stepped outside. Night had come and a pale sliver of the moon hung in the sky. It was a crisp November night, that kind of time when you're not sure whether it's fall or winter. But it didn't matter it was just cold to Casey.

She was glad to finally be done with the day, although she didn't have any cases to work on that day there was still a lot of paperwork to be finished. She was almost done it, _almost_, but she'd been ordered to go home and she wasn't one to complain over such an order. Olivia on the other hand, well, she was a different story. No doubt she was fighting to stay longer, like it would really help in the long run.

Casey checked her watch, it was only 9:00, but regrettably she didn't actually have much to do. Fin, Elliot and Munch would probably be at a bar down the street, that is if Elliot hadn't decided to, like Olivia, stay working at the precinct until midnight. Either way Fin and Munch would be interesting company. At least drinking and listening to Munch and Fin bicker was something to do.

She started walking towards the bar, even if no one she knew was there at least she could drown her worries in beer, which let's face it, has its benefits.

All around her the city buzzed with people, leaving work or going out clubbing. Above her head a single star was visible in the night sky, although it was hard to tell if it was actually a star or spacecraft of sorts sending television signals down to earth. Then again, she thought, it could be one of Munch's government spy thingies.

She finally got to the bar and pushed open the doors, sure enough Fin, Munch and Elliot were all there and even Olivia. She felt twang of regret form inside her chest, of course they were all there, without her. She suddenly just felt like going home, maybe finish up the last of her vodka. She almost turned and left but as if on cue Elliot got up to go to the bathroom and saw her.

"Hey case'." He said loudly over the buzz of the bar. Olivia turned her head and smiled, but Fin and Munch were too deep in argument to notice anything. She was trapped, so much for going home.

"Hey" she replied walking over to a booth they were all sharing. Olivia made room for her well Elliot excused himself, walking towards the washrooms.

"What brings you to our humble establishment?" Munch asked finally finishing his conversation with Fin.

"They forced me out of work early." She responded with a wry smile.

"Ah you too eh? They did the same to us, makes me wonder what they're _really_ up to."

"Right," Fin said, "Leave it to you to make this into some huge conspiracy."

Munch rolled his eyes and he and Fin started arguing, again. Olivia smiled at Casey who awkwardly smiled back. Casey had always felt slightly uneasy around Olivia, though she couldn't quite place why. It was something about the way she talked, even her facial expressions made Casey's head go spinning. She couldn't but feel immeasurably stupid around Olivia.

She liked being with her though, she wasn't sure why, maybe it was just the fact that Olivia was one of Casey's few remaining female friends. Elliot came back and took a seat. The three chatted for a little while over simple things like the weather, not over anything important like their cases, because they had long ago made an unspoken agreement not to bring their work life into the bar.

She ordered herself a beer, as did everyone else, and of course a plate of chicken wings. It was something they did whenever all four detectives were there, although Casey didn't realize because she rarely went to the bar with them, or was invited for that matter. She sighed feeling that familiar awkwardness creep over her.

"Something the matter counselor?" Elliot asked. Casey shook her head ignoring the fact that Elliot had managed not to call her by her real name. "Well I had better go; I need to catch some sleep."

"It's only 10 o'clock." Olivia replied smirking.

"Yeah well ya gotta get to bed early if you wanna grow big and strong."

"Uh huh, well you have fun with that." Olivia said. Once Elliot was gone she and Casey started talking again, Olivia was telling the tale of her last failed attempt at dating, but Casey wasn't really paying attention her mind was wondering off, wondering how Olivia ever managed to date when she hadn't had so much as a one night stand in over a year.

An image of her old fiancé drifted into her mind, she quickly shrugged it off trying to only focus on Olivia. She looked at Olivia's dark brown eyes, taking in all of Olivia's face from each perfect feature, those perfect lips, that perfect nose, those perfect brows, those perfect everythings. She wanted all at once to kiss her to feel what it was like to have Olivia's lips under hers.

She tried shrugging off the thought, feeling slightly startled by where her imagination had taken her. Had she for one moment felt a longing for Olivia? No surely not, surely it was just a completely random thought. She desperately tried to push it out of her mind. She made a quick check around the table, Munch and Fin were still arguing and Olivia was rambling, no one had noticed anything, they'd never know what she just thought.

Casey tried clueing into what Olivia was saying, "He was pretty good looking and everything, but he was a complete jerk, honestly I don't know how men put up with themselves." Casey managed to catch.

"Mhm." Casey agreed hoping Olivia didn't realize that she hadn't a clue who Olivia was talking about.

Olivia stopped talking for a few seconds, her gaze looking strange and distant. "Well me and Munchkin over here had better head out." Fin said.

"Since when have you made the decisions for me?" Munch retorted.

"Since you have already had enough to drink."

"Oh so you think I'm drunk?"

"I know you're drunk, if you weren't then you'd have yelled at me for calling you Munchkin."

"Right." Munch replied, but he stopped arguing and the two left the bar.

Casey smirked, "You know I had better head home too." She said.

"I suppose so." Olivia walked Casey outside, "See you tomorrow then."

"Yeah bye." Casey muttered walking away; her head was spinning with images of Olivia. She couldn't like Olivia, she just couldn't. She tried to steady her breathing but she felt herself panicking, she walked faster, as much to escape the cold as it was to escape her own thoughts.

XXXXXX

Okidoke that's all for today folks tell me if you liked it and how I can improve!


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: Okay well I got a pretty good response last time and I need to improve on my grammar, I tried this time to go over the chapter a few more times and look for those mistakes but I'm sure some got missed. Is anybody out there a beta reader who can help me with my grammar lol? Or can someone tell me how to get one 'cause I dunno. Anyways hopefully you readers will enjoy this, any questions or complaints just tell me, but please (pretty please) review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order SVU or any of its characters I'm just borrowing them for none-profit purposes.

Casey hit the snooze bottom on her alarm clock, just wanting an extra ten minutes of sleep. Her ears were pounding and she felt like vomiting. With a certain disdain she remembered putting herself to sleep with, well, vodka. Somehow at the time she'd thought, even though she'd been to the bar it was fine to have a nice glass or three of vodka.

She couldn't remember what had been so bad that she had needed the vodka, but somehow she figured once her head cleared it would all come rushing back. Her alarm went off again and she was tempted to just ignore it, but she knew, hangover or not, she couldn't be late for work.

She nevertheless arrived a few minutes early for work, by then she was only feeling the dimming affects of the hangover, which soon enough would be completely gone.

She sat at her desk not willing to get up and do anything. She remembered vaguely suddenly wanting Olivia, wanting to love her, to be with her. Her mind was going a million miles per hour trying to come up with explanations. She certainly couldn't be gay, she'd definitely been in love with her fiancé who she was certain was a male. And bisexual didn't seem to fit either; she'd simply never liked a girl before. And yet here she was all of the sudden, with all these new emotions and feelings. Even if she was bisexual why hadn't she known this when she was a teenager, like normal people?

She gave a little huff and took sip of her coffee was still steaming. Ok, she thought, she had a crush, on a woman, now what did she do? Did she forget about it and just get a boyfriend, distract herself for a little while? Or was she supposed to confront the issue head on?

She certainly couldn't tell anyone, never, even as a teenager she'd never told anyone about her crushes, they were her secret. She searched her memory looking for where this whole liking both genders started. At one point when she was a teenager she _did _remember having a crush on a girl, but she'd long since figured it was just a faze.

For the next few weeks she kept her calm, tried to act normal, which in itself, proved to be rather easy. It was like any other crush really, like that boy in high school who you know is way out of your league but you like anyways. You never tell anyone about that crush and frankly it doesn't seem to matter.

She felt for the most part at peace with herself, even though she still felt awkward around Olivia she still liked being in Olivia's presence. Never once did the possibility, however slim, register into her head that Olivia in turn might like her back. It was too impossible; Olivia liked men, end of story.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

One year later:

It was only mid-November, leaves were still scattered on the ground, all wet and soggy from the recent rain. Dani was still Elliot's partner even Casey knew for a fact that Olivia had returned even if she hadn't told Elliot yet. Casey felt a feeling of contentment having Olivia back where Casey knew she was safe. She'd had boyfriends over the last year but something, like a ghost of a feeling, still lingered for Olivia.

She and Olivia were at Casey's house, chatting about the precinct gossip. Olivia had 'casually' asked about Elliot about a million times and Casey was getting annoyed.

"I think," Olivia began, "That I'm jealous of my replacement…I mean it's just….he seems so much closer to her than he ever did to me, like this last year he's been so distant….and now. I dunno."

Casey fought hard not to cringe; it seemed obvious that Olivia had feelings for Elliot. Of course Olivia did, who else would she like? She certainly couldn't like Casey, certainly not another woman.

"You have a little crush don't you 'Liv?"

Olivia's facial expression didn't change, then again Olivia was good at hiding her emotions, and Casey knew that well, "No, falling for colleagues isn't aloud, not in my book anyways." Olivia replied with a small smile.

"So do like him then."

Olivia shook her head, "I just missed him a lot and now it's like he's replaced me, I mean I don't like him in that way but he's my partner, not hers."

"I know I'm just kidding." Casey answered and then paused for a moment, "Have you ever liked anybody from work?"

"Yeah, I mean do break my rules every so often."

They both giggled girlishly, though Casey wasn't sure why they were all of the sudden acting like teenagers. She regained herself, she wasn't a kid anymore, maybe once upon a time she would have begged Olivia to tell her who she liked, but not anymore, she was an adult now and her teenage years had long since come to a close.

"When do you plan on returning to work Olivia?" Casey asked, adopting a serious, lawyer-y tone.

Olivia shrugged and her gaze went all weird and distant like she was seeing something that Casey wasn't, "Soon I guess, I just need some time to get over the whole being undercover thing. I know I wasn't supposed to get close to the people I was with but I did, and well those guys became my friends." She said then took a deep breath, "It's weird being back because even though I wasn't gone very long it's like all of the sudden I'm a stranger, the new kid again."

"I know, just come back soon okay? Everyone misses you even if you don't think they do, they do." Casey said gently and then muttered, "I know what it's like to be the new kid but even I got accepted soon enough…and everyone already knows you, they wont treat you like some stranger when you get back."

Olivia's distant gaze broke and she turned to look at Casey, "Sorry Casey I know what it was like for you when you first came, you have to understand we all just missed Alex a lot."

"I know," Casey began, running a hand through her hair, "don't worry, just promise me not to let the fact that Elliot likes your replacement keep you from coming back as soon as you can."

"I wont, anyways, it's late I should head home." Olivia responded getting up and heading towards the door.

"Bye then." Casey said as Olivia walked out her door. She looked longingly at Olivia's back, walking steadily away. She wondered again if Olivia really did like Elliot, and if not him then who? She felt young and weak, she couldn't help but feel like wasn't supposed to have feelings for Olivia, women maybe, but not Olivia.

Olivia was straight and Casey had never been given any hints that told her otherwise. She felt a knot form in her stomach like all at once the feelings she had for Olivia became intense like they'd never been before. She swallowed hard, she had to face the truth, Olivia couldn't possibly like her, and she had to move on because nothing would ever happen with Olivia.

Yet even when she forgot about her feelings she didn't, they were still there, the ghost of a deep longing and love that she couldn't get her mind around. It was like her heart was being squeezed tighter and tighter, being made into a tight little ball of emotions screaming to have their voices heard.

Author's note: Okay now, there's always the possibility that this chapter was way worse than the last one, if it was please tell me and I might try to redo it, but I don't think it's that bad. Okidokes?


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: OMG I GOT THE CHICKEN POX!!! I didn't think that was possible since I'm like too old, ok so I'm a teenager but wow. Anyways there's my beautiful excuse for why I haven't updated in ages, pathetic I know. It's one of those times you actually wish your parents had gotten you all your needles, but no such luck. Anyways please review because you love me and you want my chicken pox to go away (don't ask how reviews will help they just will meehee).

She saw Olivia with her boyfriend, they looked in love, or as close as somebody like Olivia would ever get to being in love. Casey had of course seen them together a couple times before just because he sometimes picked Olivia up from work. When Casey had first heard about him she had felt numb, like billions of little ice cubes were running through her veins, pumping through her heart.

Nowadays Casey still felt regret whenever she heard mention of Olivia and her boyfriend, what was his name? She kept on wondering about what could have been, what might have been, if she'd been braver. If she could just let it all come out, everything she'd been keeping inside herself, the little secret burning a hole in her heart.

Christmas was coming, one good thing to look forward to. But yet this year it didn't seem so great, even though generally Christmas was always Casey's favourite time of the year.

"Case'?" Olivia asked one day in early December.

"Yeah?"

"How do you know when you're in love?"

The question hit her like a truck, a sudden surge of regret and pain ran through her, "Why are you asking me I'm not exactly old and wise."

"You've been engaged before; I figured you'd know about it."

Casey let go a sad and hollow 'ha', "You just do," she muttered, like I know I love you, she thought but somehow she couldn't bring herself to say the right words, "What's wrong, that's not a question I'd expect from you."

Olivia laughed lightly but she had a bitter look in her eyes, "I guess I've changed."

XXXXXXXXXXX

"What's wrong with you 'Liv?" Casey asked one day when they were walking out of the precinct together, since Olivia planed on giving Casey a drive home.

"You know, it's been rough since I got back."

"Typical answer from you." Casey muttered darkly, sounding colder than she'd intended.

"Zack and I broke up…he thinks I've changed too much since I left and hates that I won't tell him where I went." Olivia admitted softly sounding like a little girl.

"I'm sorry Olivia, I…" but she trailed off unable to think of what to say, she wasn't sorry, she was pleased, it was just one more chance to tell Olivia how she felt, just another chance for Casey to be too scared to take.

Olivia sighed and pulled out her keys; Casey almost did the same thing before she remembered the reason Olivia was driving her home, her car had broken down.

Olivia opened the door for her, and Casey climbed in, a bit awkwardly. The car felt colder than the weather outside but Casey didn't mind, she wasn't about to complain, not to Olivia. Casey couldn't let herself be seen as weak, but as Olivia climbed in Casey heard her mutter, "Geez it's colder than outside in her, I almost forgot how much I hate this car."

Casey chuckled softly and for once Olivia smiled back, her face looking beautiful and radiant as it always did when she smiled, or at least it seemed like that to Casey.

"Hey Casey, what're you doing on Christmas? You going to see your family again?"

"Mmm, yes uh no, actually, I'm not sure."

"Well you want to spend the holiday with your bestest friend?" Olivia asked hopefully.

"Always." Casey responded letting a thin smiled escape her, "But I thought you didn't celebrate Christmas?"

"I don't, usually, because my mother as you can imagine was never very religious, she thought the holidays were below her." She muttered.

"Oh…well then lets celebrate together like you said, unless of course I'm not your _bestest _friend." Casey said putting a childish emphasis on 'bestest'.

Olivia just smiled and shrugged, Casey punched her lightly in the shoulder, "What does that mean?" Casey asked jokingly.

"Relax, common let's get you home." Olivia responded finally starting up the car.

XXXXXXXXX

"Hey Elliot?" Casey asked the next day when she was visiting the precinct to see the Captain.

"Yeah," He grunted.

"Olivia's not around is she?"

"Sick."

"What are you getting her for Christmas?" Casey questioned.

Elliot took a moment to answer mean while Munch cut in "Don't answer that, she's after something. Again."

"What's that supposed-"

"Chocolate, her weakness." Elliot answered cutting Casey off.

"You've doomed us all Elliot." Munch said in an exaggerated voice.

"Shut up John." Fin, who was trying to do some paper work muttered, a little darkly.

"Right I will, anyways Casey despite how important 'Liv's present is the, Captain looks pissed, you better go see what's wrong." Munch informed her.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I might as well ask you 'Liv, what do you want for Christmas?" Casey asked.

"What and ruin the surprise?"

"I know you hate surprises."

"Chocolate, it's my weakness." Olivia said, smiling, "Well that and alcohol but I decided to leave getting drunk for New Years Eve."

"Of course."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Author's note: Well as you know due to illness I've been too lazy to type anything up for the past little while however hopefully people will still be interested and review. Hehe.


End file.
